Parental favouritism in the life of Jacob
Each week I’d like to offer (or have someone else offer) a mini thought about the life of Joseph and a theme which comes up. Sometimes this will be shared with the whole span of church, sometimes just with the adults. This will be short and sweet I hope, so seatbelts on, here we go…
Today I want to talk about parental favouritism. That’s the times that a parent treats one child better than all the others. I’m not talking about the feeling of favouritism, we all feel that in one way or another. “He gets to go to bed later than me” or “Mum never gets as mad at her when she does exactly the same thing as I get busted for” or “Why don’t I get as many presents as my bigger brother on my birthday?” Those things may or may not be true, but most of the time they are our feelings of not being favoured. I want to talk about actual favouritism.
In the story of Jacob and his sons we actually can read it.
“
3
Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made an ornate robe for him.
4
When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.”
(Genesis 37:3-4)
Jacob loved Joseph more than the others. The story of Joseph begins and hinges on the fact that he was the “golden child”. Jacob’s favouritism caused a lot of pain to his other children, and they in turn caused a lot of pain to Joseph. And not only that, Jacob seems to have been a serial offender in the area of favouritism. He had two wives, and he loved Rachel better than Leah and let her know it. And when he thought Joseph was dead and was faced with the prospect of locing Benjamin to the Prime Minister of Egypt (Joseph- spoiler alert!), he again shows favouritism. He says to the other brothers, right to their faces,
”
My son will not go down there with you; his brother is dead and he is the only one left. “
(Genesis 42:38). Joseph, Rachel, Benjamin - 3 times we hear of Jacob clearly and painfully choosing one against the others.
There is so much damage that can be done by this problem. A parent’s love for their children is an incredibly powerful thing. It can affect their sense of identity, self worth, even their understanding of God as a parent. Parenting is a big deal. So I want to come in to land with a few practical ideas for us as parents and children:
Firstly, and really obviously… parents, don’t do this! Every child is going to be different, and sometimes you will find it easier to connect with one child than the others. But guess what, God wants you to grow up, God wants you to reflect His heart, no favourites.
Next, if you’re a child who feels (or knows) that there is some unfair favouritism against you in your family, take it first of all to the perfect Father, God. We often look to the wrong father when bad things happen in our families. Speak to God the Father about it, listen to what He has to say. God never promises that we will have a good family life, but He does promise to
be
the perfect Father when we seek Him and let Him.
Maybe after praying you might need to take some action on this one. Sometimes it’s an honest conversation about your feelings, sometimes it’s a difficult confrontation of unfairness. Sometimes it’s letting go and seeming to do nothing. And sometimes it’s realising the truth is bigger than your own feelings. Whatever action you take, make sure it’s after praying and listening to God.
Lastly of all, seek to be someone who asks for forgiveness, and extends it to other people. This is God’s way. And if you can’t do it, very possibly it will be like a poison which stays in your system and pollutes lots of other relationships in your life.
This issue may be a small (or non )issue in your life. You are blessed if that’s the case. But it may be a major issue which has affected or is affecting you a lot. Seek some help from God and others who can help you move forwards. And for your kids’ sake, and (in the not-using-God’s-name-in-vain sense) for God’s sake, put to death any favouritism you may have shown to one of your children. May God bless you and help you in the journey.